So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
