we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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