dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
