I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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