question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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