He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
