I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
