i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
