Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
