I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
