I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
