best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
