Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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