I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
