i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
