If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
