the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
