woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
