First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
