I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
