he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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