I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
