Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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