I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
