i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
