weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
