did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
