i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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