Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i love accidental penises.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
