No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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