Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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