You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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