I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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