I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
as a side note pls kill me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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