I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
