No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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