I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
