i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
