Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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