Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
