I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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