My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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