Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
