No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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