I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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