The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
