yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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