He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
