I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
