Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
