dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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